Leash Kids and Serial Killers

Studies have shown that as many as 89.4%* of serial killers were leashed as children. With the frequency of kids on leashes rising at an astronomical rate, this is a potentially catastrophic problem that our society will have to face in the future. So the next time you see a kid on a leash, resist the urge to laugh and instead take a picture. Submit to leashkids@gmail.com and help document these individuals that are going to grow up to be serial killers, if they aren't already.



*Best estimate

Thursday

Melissa and Madison



Melissa and Madison are confused as to how a victim can tolerate so much pain. He's lasted far longer than they expected.

one of these kids is not like the others



Only Lawrence, the sole unleashed child, sought to avert his eyes as the group walked past a gruesome murder scene.

Meredith



Meredith is absolutely exhausted-she was up all night disposing of corpses.

Harrison



Harrison is quite pleased with himself-he's sure no one will ever find the body

Raymond and Hannah



Raymond is terribly excited to show Hannah his collection of severed heads

Jordan



The monkey cowers before Jordan-it knows that he is the ultimate predator.

Sarah



Sarah is bitterly disappointed that she won't be allowed into Crate and Barrel with her mother-there are so many knives and places to set up an ambush.

Dale



Dale has finally found a replacement dog-he accidentally killed his previous one during a torture session.

Robert



Robert is only happy when he's just killed someone. He's happy here. You do the math.

Jimmy and Eric



Jimmy and Eric await their arraignment on charges of kidnapping and murder. They plan to plead not guilty on grounds of insanity.

Molly



Molly wants the duck. She likes to bite the heads off of birds.

Thomas



Thomas is stunned that his victim is escaping. He tied those knots so well!

Humbert



Humbert's enemies dare not cross him so long as he has a knife hidden under his blanket.

Richard



Having discovered a fresh body, Richard battles with a dog for first bite of the corpse.

Cletus



Cletus bides his time, knowing that his target's energy reserves are limited. He will strike soon.

Tucker



Tucker volunteers as an assistant surgeon during days, it helps sate his bloodlust. Today he forgot to take off his scrubs.

Ernest



Ernest rigs the stuffed animal to blow, resolving to never be caught alive.

Alexander



Alexander's face was tinged momentarily by regret but it soon passed. He feels no remorse for what he's done.

Wednesday

Franklin



Even though he forgot to remove the hairnet he wears while killing, Franklin's parents were predictably oblivious.

Alejandro



Having determined that his mother's weakest point is her ankles, Alejandro waits for a diversion then makes his move

Gavin



Gavin lets his accomplice know that he successfully disposed of the body

Joshua



Joshua debates whether or not he wants to kill the dog before throwing it into the ocean

Francis



Francis' last handler learned the hard way that one restraint is not enough

Jolene



Jolene scrambles to escape the bomb she planted. Jolene hates parades. And people.

Judith



This dog is wary of the food Judith is offering since she smells of death.

Millie



Millie is cultivating poisonous plants so she can serve them to people in salads.

in case you were wondering...



This is how Mortal Kombat got started.

Tammy



Tammy is high on PCP. PCP makes her think she's a man eating lion, which is only half false.

Mimi



Mimi does a hilarious impression of her victim's final moments

Charles



After his last target nearly succeeded in overpowering him, Charles makes sure to take every precaution when on the hunt

Kenny



Kenny lets his family live solely because they make useful vantage points

Joseph



Joseph blames his killings on the monkey that is always perched on his back, whispering suggestions into his ear...

Jared



Jared is anxious that the police will dig up the girl he buried alive before she expires

Penny



Penny is oblivious to everything except the voices in her head...which she always obeys fanatically.

Zork



Zork's father was banished from his homeworld for serial killing, and he has taken every measure to ensure that his son carries on the family legacy

George



This poor dog recoils from George, unable to cope with further torture

James



James retrieves the knife he's carefully hidden. It is far too late for the mentally handicapped individual in the foreground.

Shelley and Lucas



Shelley gouges out Lucas' eyeball for daring to question her physical superiority

Billy and Josh



Angry that Josh stole his last kill, Billy prepares to shank him in the back

Lucy



Lucy has no idea how that body got wedged behind the pallet!

Maggie



Maggie hates all animals except for sharks. She likes sharks. She's already begun filing her teeth into points.

Bobby



Bobby has to be restrained after flying into a murderous rage. Rage is the only emotion he knows.

Sally and Shane



Sally makes sure that the finger she took as a trophy from her latest victim is still secure. Shane is bitterly disappointed as he managed to lose his.

Todd



No matter how much Todd's latest victim struggles, it is futile once caught in this nefarious trap

Brandy



Brandy eyes her next victim...it has been too long since she has fed

Kimmy



Kimmy double checks her makeshift garrote for blood to ensure there isn't any evidence

Jamal



Jamal scrambles to think of an explanation for the bloodstains on his shirt

Gregory



Having carried out a string of cannibalistic murders Gregory has to be specially secured for imprisonment

Abby



Abby doesn't mind being alone, she's just disappointed because being tethered dramatically reduces the number of potential victims she can reach

caught



These kids have been caught but by leashing them all together the authorities have ensured that the recidivism rate will be extremely high