Kids paraded around in public on a leash inevitably grow up to murder and dismember people.
Leash Kids and Serial Killers
Studies have shown that as many as 89.4%* of serial killers were leashed as children. With the frequency of kids on leashes rising at an astronomical rate, this is a potentially catastrophic problem that our society will have to face in the future. So the next time you see a kid on a leash, resist the urge to laugh and instead take a picture. Submit to leashkids@gmail.com and help document these individuals that are going to grow up to be serial killers, if they aren't already.
*Best estimate
Thursday
Monday
Saturday
Steven
Steven's mother's ankle has yet to heal after his latest attack...it was a particularly vicious one.
Donny
Every year Donny and his mother return to the burial site of his first victim. It's their annual tradition.
Thursday
Wednesday
Tuesday
Christian
Having been abandoned by Christian's father, his mother has decided to use their son to get her revenge.
Monday
Jessica
Jessica can count all the way to four! Why, that's the same number of people who have mysteriously gone missing from her neighborhood over the past month or so!
Marian
Escalators have always given Marian pause ever since she saw someone's foot get torn to shreds. Obviously she found it hilarious but she does like to be a bit cautious now.
Saturday
Heidi
By leashing her child instead of her dog, Heidi's mother has unknowingly put herself in grave danger.
Luke
Like his namesake in Star Wars, Luke cut off his father's hand. Unlike in the film, however, this Luke then ate it.
Friday
Thursday
Stephanie
Stephanie feels terrible-it looks like she ate too fast and swallowed some bone fragments during her latest cannibalistic binge.
Rebecca
Rebecca just can't seem to remember where she stashed her knife...this always happens when she gets drunk.
Wednesday
Nora
Nora's brother is terrified of her. Whenever they're in public he tries to get strangers to kidnap him.
Foster and Stewart
Foster was filled with an unspeakable rage as he glared at the woman who dared to laugh at him. He and his brother will make her pay.
Tuesday
Rachel
Don't be fooled-that's not a pacifier in Rachel's mouth, it's a jaw lock to prevent her from biting people.
Monday
Samuel
Samuel keeps this farm around only for the pigs. He agrees with Brick Top-there's no better way to dispose of a corpse.
Donna
Donna's parents take advantage of her bloodlust by using her to guard the house against would-be-burglars.
Mya
If Mya tortures someone in the woods but no one is around to hear the screams, does it make a sound?
Walter
Water's schizophrenia sometimes makes him feel twinges of regret. Invariably, however, they pass quickly.
Sunday
Chris and Emily
Even though Chris is no stranger to bloodspilling, even he was shocked at what Emily did to her latest victim.
Saturday
Jason
Jason's backpack is full of body parts. He gave it to his mother and is off to call the police to once and for all escape her watchful eye.
Kerry
Don't be fooled by the smile-this woman is Kerry's prisoner and she knows that struggling will only make him angry later.
Yvette
Yvette stepped back to admire her handiwork. She was confident that no one would find the bomb inside the ball.
Jenny
As Mr. Puggles made his escape from Jenny into the river, he looked mournfully back at his best friend still in her clutches.
Friday
Xavier
Xavier freezes, hoping that his prey's vision is movement-based. That seems to be the case because despite impending doom the target hasn't started to flee.
Logan
Logan admires his handiwork-earlier that day he threw a few people off this very building with nooses around their necks
Anthony
Anthony takes advantage of the fact that the giant shiny bean distracts people to pick them off one by one
Lana
Lana tries to sate her thirst for blood by decapitating dolls, but it is all for naught. Dolls don't scream.
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