Kids paraded around in public on a leash inevitably grow up to murder and dismember people.
Leash Kids and Serial Killers
Studies have shown that as many as 89.4%* of serial killers were leashed as children. With the frequency of kids on leashes rising at an astronomical rate, this is a potentially catastrophic problem that our society will have to face in the future. So the next time you see a kid on a leash, resist the urge to laugh and instead take a picture. Submit to leashkids@gmail.com and help document these individuals that are going to grow up to be serial killers, if they aren't already.
*Best estimate
Thursday
Melissa and Madison
Melissa and Madison are confused as to how a victim can tolerate so much pain. He's lasted far longer than they expected.
one of these kids is not like the others
Only Lawrence, the sole unleashed child, sought to avert his eyes as the group walked past a gruesome murder scene.
Sarah
Sarah is bitterly disappointed that she won't be allowed into Crate and Barrel with her mother-there are so many knives and places to set up an ambush.
Dale
Dale has finally found a replacement dog-he accidentally killed his previous one during a torture session.
Jimmy and Eric
Jimmy and Eric await their arraignment on charges of kidnapping and murder. They plan to plead not guilty on grounds of insanity.
Tucker
Tucker volunteers as an assistant surgeon during days, it helps sate his bloodlust. Today he forgot to take off his scrubs.
Alexander
Alexander's face was tinged momentarily by regret but it soon passed. He feels no remorse for what he's done.
Wednesday
Franklin
Even though he forgot to remove the hairnet he wears while killing, Franklin's parents were predictably oblivious.
Alejandro
Having determined that his mother's weakest point is her ankles, Alejandro waits for a diversion then makes his move
Charles
After his last target nearly succeeded in overpowering him, Charles makes sure to take every precaution when on the hunt
Joseph
Joseph blames his killings on the monkey that is always perched on his back, whispering suggestions into his ear...
Penny
Penny is oblivious to everything except the voices in her head...which she always obeys fanatically.
Zork
Zork's father was banished from his homeworld for serial killing, and he has taken every measure to ensure that his son carries on the family legacy
James
James retrieves the knife he's carefully hidden. It is far too late for the mentally handicapped individual in the foreground.
Maggie
Maggie hates all animals except for sharks. She likes sharks. She's already begun filing her teeth into points.
Sally and Shane
Sally makes sure that the finger she took as a trophy from her latest victim is still secure. Shane is bitterly disappointed as he managed to lose his.
Gregory
Having carried out a string of cannibalistic murders Gregory has to be specially secured for imprisonment
Abby
Abby doesn't mind being alone, she's just disappointed because being tethered dramatically reduces the number of potential victims she can reach
caught
These kids have been caught but by leashing them all together the authorities have ensured that the recidivism rate will be extremely high
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